7 Tips for Getting Through Thanksgiving When You Have a Difficult Family Member

I recently had an experience with a family member that just left me feeling like beating my head against a wall. It seems like every time we have a conversation, I just walk away shaking my head because while I respect this person, I just can't deal with some of the things that come up in conversation that are typically a little faux pas if you have any manners at all, know what I mean? Maybe you don't and everyone in your family gets along swimmingly, but odds are, someone just popped into your head when you read that.

Now that we are about to embark on the holiday season, I started thinking about some of the things I try to manage when I host Thanksgiving dinner. My difficult family member will not be at our dinner table, but if he/she was, how would I handle that? Well, I decided to share my 7 tips with you so that you can start mentally preparing yourself for Aunt Betty and her inappropriateness.

1. Keep conversation basic. There is no need to talk about Aunt Jenny being fired from her job last month or cousin Brad's nasty divorce (it was 5 years ago, for Pete's sake). When families are only together once or twice a year, it always seems that the worst conversation topics end up being the focus of the entire event, leaving everyone drained and annoyed afterward. And we all have that one family member - you know the one - he/she knows everything and will drag out the negative conversation as long as possible. Instead, talk about happy things that have happened in your life recently. Kid achievements are also great, but be careful if you have relatives with kids who aren't achieving as well as yours - that can lead to some of those off-limits discussions. And always avoid politics. Just, please.

2. Don't comment on weight or talk about diets. Even if someone you know lost (or gained) 100 pounds last year, Thanksgiving dinner is not the time to discuss this. Kids are around and learn so much from how we treat this annual meal as well as any discussion of "dieting after the holidays" or talking about losing weight in the New Year. This is a topic I will address again in another blog post, but just keep this topic "off the table."

3. Avoid or limit alcohol. There is no better way to get in an argument with your difficult relative than by lowering your inhibitions and launching yourself into a fight over who won the Thanksgiving football game of 1986. Neither of you know and even if you do, no one cares. Instead, have one glass of wine with dinner or drink some sparkling water in a champagne flute. You'll feel better the next day for a number of reasons.

4. Sit at the kid table. I had an aunt that used to do this every year when I was growing up. I loved her and so did my cousins, so it always made sense that she would sit with us, but now that I'm a grown up myself, I think she did that so she could stay away from our difficult family members. Smart woman.

5. Break out a board game. Some families are full of game or puzzle people. We are definitely one of those families. Stay away from Monopoly unless you want to launch into homicidal threats (just me?) or card games that involve gambling (as I'm writing this, I already know that I won't be able to keep my family from doing this). You'll encourage healthy competition and keep conversation light and after stuffing yourselves with turkey, it'll be a nice break. Also, your difficult family member may not even want to participate, in which case, he/she will go bother someone else.

6. Leave early. Unless Thanksgiving is being held at your house, you can always have an elaborate escape plan prepared. If you're married and your in-laws live close, that's always an easy excuse to head out early. "Have to get to <spouse's name>'s parents. Great seeing you all - hate to run!" But you don't hate to. Not at all. If you're not married and need an excuse, stomachaches are always an easy one. No one wants you to throw up on Grandma's pink bathroom rugs. They'll be fine with you making an early exit.

7. And if all else fails, ignore the person. Odds are that there will be a parade or a football game on that day. My husband is really good at selective hearing - practice and you can also be an expert by Thursday.

I hope you all have a wonderful Thanksgiving with family and friends. Tell Aunt Betty I said hello.